Booked it

Booked the appointment. November 12th, 10:40 in the morning, the practice on Biltmore. Took four minutes. Five months of not doing a four minute thing, and the actual doing of it fit between a client cancelling and the next one arriving, and involved a form with eleven fields and a confirmation email. I sat looking at the confirmation for a while. The thing I expected to feel was relief and the thing I actually felt was exposure. It is on a calendar now. It has a date and a time and a building. It is no longer a thing I am going to do, which is a category that can hold something indefinitely without any strain at all. Told Danny by text, which I debated and then did anyway, because waiting until seven to say it in person would have given me six hours to decide not to have said it. He wrote back: good. and then, a minute later: do you want me there. And I said yes. Which I had not planned, and which I would have said no to in March on the grounds of not making a fuss, and which took about two seconds.

He asked instead of offering, which is a smaller door to walk through than being offered something. And I have stopped assuming that telling him a thing means handing him a job. Six weeks ago I would have heard "do you want me there" as him taking it over.