Tess, the back booth

Two hours with Tess in the back booth at Sunny Point, which is the closest thing I have to a standing appointment that is actually mine. Told her the soon thing. All of it, including the counting, which I have not said to anyone and had not entirely admitted to myself until I heard it out loud in a restaurant. She said, and what did you say back. And I said I said nothing. And she said, Nora. She does the whole name. Nobody else does the whole name. My mother uses it when I have done something and Tess uses it when I have not done something, and the effect is roughly identical and I do not know what that says about me. She did not tell me what to do, which is why I tell her things. She asked whether I thought he knew I was counting. I said no. She asked whether I thought he would mind. I said no, and then I sat with that for a second, because if he would not mind then the reason I have not told him is not about protecting him. We talked about her sister after that. I let us move on and so did she, which is its own kind of generosity.