Most of what you argue about you will never solve.
You can still stop having it from scratch every time. Two private journals, one shared map, and nothing crosses over unless you send it.
Free while we build. No card, no trial clock.
The first question
No, they cannot read your journal
Your entries are yours. Nothing is shared by default, and sharing is not mutual: you can share without them, they can share without you, and neither happens automatically.
Every single thing you send can be taken back, and if you ever disconnect entirely, everything you shared goes with it.
The shared map is built only from what you both decide to put into it. It is a separate thing from either of your journals and neither of you can see into the other one.
The shared map
A map of the two of you
Not a compatibility score and not a list of what is wrong with you. It holds where you meet and where you do not, and it is honest about both.
What you have in common. Where your patterns mirror each other. Where your differences actually work in your favour. How you connect. What rubs. What to watch out for.
That last pair is the half most tools leave out, and it is the half that makes the rest worth reading.
One question at a time
You both answer. Then you both see.
One of you asks something. You each answer it in your own journal, privately, whenever you get to it. Neither answer opens until both are written.
That is the whole mechanic, and it is why this cannot be used to ambush anybody. There is no version where one of you reads the other's answer and then writes a better one.
The questions that work are the ones where both answers are true and different. What am I better at than I think I am. When did you last feel looked after by me. What would you not change.
Two true versions
You both remember Saturday. Differently.
Not because one of you is lying or misremembering. Because two people were in the same evening from two positions and both accounts are accurate from where they were standing.
Most of the time there is nowhere for both of those to sit, so one of them has to be wrong for the conversation to end. Here they are two entries, in two journals, both yours.
The argument you have had four times
Starting from scratch every time
Nothing holds what was already settled, so every round reopens the whole history. You end up relitigating 2019 in a kitchen on a Tuesday.
A shared map is a record neither of you is in charge of. The thing you worked out in March is still there in October, in the words you used at the time.
It notices the good weeks
Not only the hard ones
Everything in this space is pointed at problems. Bad stretches leave evidence and good ones leave nothing, so the record ends up being a record of trouble.
The shared map keeps what works: how you divide things without discussing it, the thing they do that you have never told them you noticed, why your differences are an arrangement rather than a problem.
If you are seeing someone
Something to bring in
A card, or an entry, or a short account of the fortnight, sent by a link. Your therapist needs no account and sees nothing you have not sent.
There is a page for them if they want to know what it is before you send anything.
Yours
What each of you controls
- Your entries are private. Always, by default, with no exception.
- Sharing your map is per person and not mutual.
- Every shared card and every link can be taken back one at a time.
- Disconnecting revokes everything you ever shared with them, immediately.
- A co-op question opens only when you have both answered.
- Delete or export everything, whenever you want.
Start with one question.
You both answer it. Then you both see. And it is still there in six months.
Free while we build. No card, no trial clock.